Monday, February 27, 2017

The stove is a bit like a servant. You need to whack it a few times to get it to work.

Happy Monday, friends.

To start the week off, I thought I'd offer y'all some free advice.

There are five essential tools that everyone should keep in their home. You do not need a big fancy toolkit, but you should always have the following on hand:

Any and all household issues can be fixed with one or all of those items. I promise. Even large appliances can last up to 2 years past what probably should have been their demise if you know what you're doing with duct tape.

This weekend, I fixed the draft stopper on my front door, as it had partially fallen off. I also managed, during that time, to superglue the door shut and to superglue myself to the floor.

It is unwise to attempt home improvements when drunk.

The cat formerly known as Not-Ivy* and now named Eleven has gotten very affectionate.

and last week she brought me a dead mouse
I'm thinking about bringing her in if she gets a little more tame. Right now though she's still pretty wild--I can only touch her if I'm sitting down and only after she has established that I will remain sitting. We haven't seen Kiikiii-8 (the orange and white kitten) in about a month now. I'm praying someone took him in. He's much more tame than the other strays, and he's also super cute.

Some of my art work now hangs in the Sugar Shack in Warwick, NY. My family tells me I underpriced everything.... Hopefully I make some extra money. I've been arting tiny kingdoms and mushroom cottages like crazy.

In other news, as of yesterday--and much to my shock and disbelief--I have been elected to the church council. The council is made up of 6 people, each serving 3 year terms, and is basically the board of directors for anything and everything related to the church (services, Sunday school, the band, all the different ministries, activities, etc. etc.). I'm hoping this is my chance to completely overhaul (and possibly even take over) Youth Group.

I made a very large mistake this morning in opening the scratch and sniff sticker that came with my electric bill.

Now the office reeks of gas and my boss keeps thinking there's a gas leak.

Now listen to this important message from Left Lane Cruiser:

*She followed me around the whole time I was looking for Ivy outside and she looks just like Ivy, only not fat.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

I have a present for you; it's very sharp.

 Why is it that some of simplest and easiest things cause some of us such frustration that we will avoid doing them at all costs? A combination of laziness and boredom is my best guess. Simple tasks such as


Doing laundry is not difficult. It's not even that time consuming if you think about it. Even if you have to go a laundromat to wash your clothes (so long as you're not in a sketchy location), it takes all of 30 seconds to throw your clothes in the washer and then you've got like half an hour before you have to come back and put the stuff in the dryer. I will say that not having my own washer and dryer is annoying, but I am permitted to use the washer and dryer in both my parents' homes whenever I need to, so it's hardly a hassle.

I spend more time thinking about doing laundry and planning to do laundry than it probably takes to do the actual laundry.

I will avoid doing laundry until I am literally down to the very last pair of emergency underwear.* Which is totally stupid, because by then I have such a ridiculous mountain of dirty clothes piled up it takes me like 4 loads to get all of it washed and dried. Which means I'm stuck at Dad's house all day on a weekend, or stuck going back and forth from work to Mum's house for three days in a row (currently on day 3 at Mum's--first load folded, second load needs folding, third load to go in the dryer during my lunch break). And that's just the clothes. There is still a pile of sheets and towels sitting on my bedroom floor that has been there since I came back from Indiana.

Even more than doing laundry, I hate

Getting the Car Serviced.

This is even easier than laundry because all I have to do is drop Gyr off at the mechanic and pick him up a few hours later. Gyr should have an oil change every 5,000 miles, but he actually get serviced about every 6,000 miles because I spend that last 1,000 miles thinking about scheduling the car for service, being anxious about it, and not actually doing it.

Since I travel over 120 miles a day for work, this little mental mania has become something of a constant in my life. As has

Going to the Bank.

I have managed--as far as my personal finances are concerned--to ensure that I never need to set foot in a bank again. Unfortunately, I have to go to the bank for work to deposit checks.

I don't know why I hate going to the bank so much. I really don't. But every time I see Boss man emerging from his office with checks and deposit slips in his hand, my heart sinks and my lunch break is ruined. Because I have to spend all of two minutes in the bank. I think this is solely the result of laziness, because Bank of America got rid of all their drive-thrus and I definitely started hating the bank more after that.....

One of our client's is currently sitting in Bossman's office complaining because we only got him $650,000.00 for his car accident. Like really, dude? On my current income (after taxes), it would take me about 20 YEARS to amass $650,000.00.

 How are the rest of y'all doing? 

*the Christmas thong, because of course you needed to know that