Tuesday, August 23, 2016

In Which Mich Reveals Her Insanity, Again


Once upon a time, like 10ish(I think?) years ago, Mich went to the Warwick Valley Farmer’s Market for the first time. And Mich fell in love with The Pesto Man.

We have known him as The Pesto Man ever since. Every Sunday, he is there, selling pesto next to one of the bakers. (Buddha Pesto, to be precise; it is rather delicious). And pretty much every Sunday after church, I spend approximately 15-20 minutes on touching up my hair and makeup,

(How I'd like to think I look:)
yes I do actually walk around with a parasol*
(How I probably look in real life:)


....and I convince myself that I need pesto just so I can try and work up the courage to ask The Pesto Man if he’s single.

(Naturally, I have not.)

But then a couple weeks ago, when I was not buying pesto, nor anywhere near the Buddha Pesto stand, but walking on the other side of the market with Stepmom, The Pesto Man caught my eye and smiled.**

Following that incident, Mich attempted to stalk him out on facebook. After spending far too much time on the Buddha Pesto website and Facebook page, it was surmised that The Pesto Man is not in fact directly involved with the family who own Buddha Pesto, but just works for them. I managed to find one single photo of him from 2012 posing with the owner and another dude, but he wasn’t tagged in it, and is listed only as “Third Mann.”

he's the one on the right; this will probably get deleted after 24 hours for the sake of privacy
SUCH INTRIGUE

Not to be defeated, Stepmom decided on a course of action this past weekend. On Sunday after church, we went to the Buddha Pesto stand as always, I got a smile from the Pesto Man and was naturally rendered incapable of speech,


and Stepmom said to him, “you know we’ve been seeing you here for years and we don’t even know your name.”

So we exchanged formal introductions, and as luck would have it, he has an extremely uncommon first name.

Armed with that single piece of information, Mich returned to Facebook and went into full blown Super Stalker Mode.

I FOUND HIM.

After a lot of internet stalking, 





I discovered he is a musician (a fairly good one, though he only released one album in 2007), he has at least one motorcycle, and as far as social media goes, he is pretty well off the grid.

And my super-stalking did not prove whether or not he is single. There are no photos of him with women, no female friends on his facebook with his last name, and no female friends with his last name that are friends with friends of his friends.***

I am incredibly tempted to get our PI to do a professional search on him, but I shall restrain myself because I feel like that’s too psycho even for me.

Big Sis#2’s advice: “F**k it, send a message to his facebook page and tell him you like his music.”

Lil Sis’s advice: “DON’T DO ANYTHING YOU’RE A FREAK”

:/


In other news, there are currently people from 3 news channels and 2 newspapers packed into my office because one of our cases sort of went viral. 





























*I can't go getting a tan, people will think I'm poor.


**miracle of miracles, Mich did not fall over


***Not kidding with the super stalking. This is what happens when you’ve been working with attorneys and private investigators for 8 years. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

I'm Going to Complain Now, Episode 77


 A couple people have inquired as to my well-being, so I figured I’d check in…

No news, I’m afraid. We went camping again last weekend. It kind of sucked, as it was 1,000 degrees out and then we got hit with a monster thunderstorm the second night. At least this time we were all in the camper.

It’s still 1,000 degrees. Praise the Lord, the summer is nearly over. I need to move somewhere with a nicer climate. Every day the weather is disgusting and hot, I check in on the weather in my dream location.

or 7 degrees C

It seems they are finally coming out of their three months without sunsets.

I’m counting the days until both Lil Bros come home at the end of August (even though Lil Bro#1 is only home for 2 weeks before leaving for grad school in Georgia >:O )

We plan on finally recording some songs together. Last weekend, Lil Bro#1 opined that “We could probably do some Tool songs, a couple of them don’t sound that hard,” to which Lil Bro#2 replied, “Astrophysics doesn’t seem all that hard, we could totally build our own quadjumper no problem.”**

We'll probably be covering a couple murder ballads, only tweaking the lyrics so the woman is telling the tale of killing her unfaithful husband. Because I am sick and tired of all these murder ballads about dudes killing their unfaithful wives.


You know what really tees me the eff off? The fact that I have to do this whenever someone is covering for me at the office:


It never ceases to blow my mind just how many people are

sooooooo

feckinnnggggggg

STUPID.


I swear, every encounter with these people shortens my lifespan a little bit. Like the people who can’t figure out how to sign their names on the line above their name, where the sticker says “sign here.”

That’s why we go through a lot of these stickers:


One time, I had to make an MS Paint picture of this lady's legal documents, with color-coded circles and arrows just to explain to her how to sign her name on the signature line, and get her signature notarized.





And I sh*t you not guys

SHE SIGNED THE MS PAINT PICTURES AND DIDN'T GET ANYTHING NOTARIZED.

This woman is the principal of a school. Like she is left in charge of running an entire school and she can’t even figure out how to sign her name on a signature line.


 Ugh.


























**There will be no forthcoming Tool covers, because Lil Bro#2 only has one pair of arms for drumming, and I would need at least 1 extra bass player to mimic Tool’s sound because no one plays the bass like that.